Thursday, March 31, 2016

Unexpected Expectations

The title of this post has been bouncing around in my head for some time now, perhaps because a lot has happened recently that I did not expect. I'm trying to think if there's any one thing on that list that I would accept as something positive on the surface, but I'm not having much luck. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

I did not expect to be looking at more shoulder surgery, but it's scheduled for April 18, for the left shoulder this time. I didn't wait as long to go to Sports Medicine as I did with the right shoulder, and they did the MRI up front rather than trying physical therapy or cortisone first. And you'd think I might be in Canada; when I called to set up a consult with the same surgeon who did my right shoulder in 2014, it was five weeks before I could get in to see him. I had been wondering how the "80 percent tear" on the right side compared with the "near full-thickness tear" on the left. The doctor said the two tears were remarkably alike. He said he had to let me know that cortisone, physical therapy, and rest were alternatives to surgery, I replied that while it did feel better since I stopped doing shoulder training after I got the MRI results, I also didn't want to rest it forever. I already have physical therapy set up with the therapist I saw last time, and I know what to expect. At least this time I will be able to sleep in the recliner should I want to do so. The handle to make it go back and forth is on the right side, and I couldn't use it with the right arm being the one in a sling.

I did expect to have run the Charlottesville Ten Miler by now. It's something I've always though I should try, and my 60th year seemed a good time to do that. While I was running on the day before the MRI, it occurred to me that if there was a tear in the shoulder, I would be told to stop running.  So I ran ten miles that day. As someone told me, I ran the Jean Ten Miler. I did pick up the t-shirt, though, just as I will for the 8k race I was supposed to run this coming weekend with a former kendo buddy who started running and lost a bunch of weight. I said I'd run with her, at her pace, and cheer her on for the five miles. Fortunately, she's found some other people with whom to run.

While I knew that it was only a matter of time until older son moved into the house he bought, I did not expect to be turning to say something to him and he's not there. Lots ore readjusting going on for the husband and me, not to mention for the family dog. I suggested older son that he could send me motivating seriously or not things via email, and he has been doing that. He comes home on weekends to have some time with the dog, but it's not the same as it was. It was time for him to make the move out into the world; I just didn't expect to be missing him so much. Except for the shoulder, I would be seeing him at workout every weekday morning, but I stopped going to those even before I went to sports med for the first time.

When the title was knocking around in my head, I thought there would be so many things to be profound about. The difference between theory and practice can be a wide one, and this is as much as I feel like writing right now. I guess I didn't expect that either.

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